Resilience in Every Beat

The pain and fatigue that come with Ankylosing Spondylitis are like the background music of my life—sometimes loud and distracting, other times so quiet they’re almost nonexistent. But this isn’t a story about pain; it’s about how I’ve learned to live, move, and thrive in its presence. It’s about how resilience, like muscle memory, kicks in when I need it most.

Some days, the pain and fatigue are like static—just noticeable enough to be annoying but not enough to interfere with my routine. Other days, the symptoms roar like the bass in a song, so loud and disruptive that I have no choice but to change my plans. If you live with a chronic illness, you understand what I’m talking about and know that you aren’t alone. 

I didn’t choose to live with this, but I can choose to let other things speak louder—like joy. But getting to this mindset didn’t happen overnight. Understanding yourself is the number one thing you need to learn to change this mindset. Do you need to be distracted, or do you need to let yourself rest? Both are equally valid, and I’ve used both depending on the situation. 

One example is last weekend—I chose to go to prom the day after competing all day at a track meet. I knew I needed rest, but I also didn’t want to let my chronic illness get in the way of me living my best life. This is when true joy and resilience carry you through, despite the pain and fatigue feeling like the bass to the song inside of me. That’s not what I’m going to remember in the long run. I’m going to remember all of the fantastic moments with my friends and all of the good food we ate. After I let myself rest and recover, the aftermath of the weekend was worth it because I made lifelong memories.

Resilience is something that builds. Your brain is like a muscle—so the more you strengthen it, the stronger it gets. Resilience is the quiet voice in your head that keeps you going when everything feels heavy. I used to lay around and wait to feel better to live my life. Now I’ve learned that counting backward from three teaches me to turn off my brain and let my autodrive kick in. I’ve learned life with a chronic illness is not about waiting to feel 100%—but doing it even when you aren’t 100%. Another trick I’ve taught myself is to set a timer for 5 minutes and allow myself to complain and feel all of the feelings, but then let myself move on. I allow myself to feel my feelings but not let myself stay in that mindset. Over time, I’ve found myself automatically thinking like this without having to constantly remind myself.

If you’re walking through life with a chronic illness, I hope you know this: your strength isn’t measured by how few symptoms you have or how much you get done. It’s measured by your courage to keep showing up—even when your body makes it harder. You are allowed to rest. You are allowed to change your mind. You are allowed to redefine what thriving looks like.

Resilience doesn’t mean ignoring the pain—it means learning how to live in harmony with it, letting joy, purpose, and connection play louder. Every time you choose rest over guilt, movement over fear, or joy over shame, you’re building something strong and lasting within yourself.

And while the background music of pain may never completely fade, I’ve learned to dance to my own rhythm anyway. You can too.